I'm falling overboard,I'm drowning,lost without him.

Last weekend,I found out that my boyfriend made a horrible,horrible mistake.I didn't know how to react to it,or what to say.I usually know what to say,but in this case especially,I didn't.I love him with all my heart,and I know in time I will forgive him.He is the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world,and I don't want to lose him.I haven't talked to him since I found out about his mistake,and I miss him a lot.I know i'll be able to see him soon,but that doesn't stop me from missing him and wanting him to hold me in his arms.Have you ever cried so hard,that you can't breathe?That happened to me last night.I don't really know why I was hurting so bad,it seemed like anything & everything that hurt me kicked at me at once.Then my brother,Conner,actually walked in while I was crying,and I tried to pretend I was asleep.I was supposed to decorate for my dad's birthday,but I wasn't up for it and I WAS going to sleep.He threw a pillow at me and told me I was supposed to go decorate and crying I was all "Do it yourself." Then he said "What's the matter with you.Are you on drugs?"Seriously?What the hell kind of response is that to me crying my eyes out?Sometimes I wonder if he cares for anyone besides himself.I ended up crying for at least two hours.It didn't seem to end.Have you ever wondered for a moment if you want to live or not?I stood at that point.I hate when I think like that,and I know there are so many people that love me and that I have a lot to live for.I don't plan on leaving anytime soon,I plan to keep fighting on this battlefield.

x o x o
Janie

Nothing On But The Radio;

I have this slight addiction and love for the radio.I used to stop listening to it a while ago,unless I was in the car.I listen to it a lot nowadays,and I love it.There's just something about the radio.The imperfectness it has when it's staticy,the randomly played songs,and the joy you get when you hear a song you already love.I get annoyed when commercials come on.It's like bring the music back on,now!xD Aside of the radio,shuffle on my zune can be pretty amazing.It's almost as if my zune knows my mood sometimes.I normally can't go a day without music.I can get annoyed,or bored easily.My zune is practically my lifeline.I have over 1,000 songs on it.To me,songs aren't written from the mind onto a piece of paper.A song is words written from the heart and soul.Thanks to the radio,I found songs that i'll keep with me forever.Love can each eternity,and when you think about it,so can the songs from the radio.

x o x o
Janie

28 Days;Here Comes Trouble.

It's exactly 28 days until my Honor Society concert.Excuse me,party.Because they don't throw shows,they throw parties(: I'm so excited,even though it's going to be on a Wednesday again.The best part is,i'm bringing my best friend Gilliene to this show.I got her into their music,and now I actually have an Honor Society buddie here in my state which is awesome.She has a major crush on Alex Noyes,I can't wait to see what happens when she meets him.I still remember exactly everything from when I met them in October 2009.I met Jason first and handed him my album to sign, he opened it up and said "Here?" "Or here." Directing to sign on the front of the album.He signed it,and I can't remember if it was him or Alex that said this but he said "Are you mother and daughter?" (I goto all my concerts with my mom.) My mom's all "yes." and he's all "That's so cute!" I was freaking out on the inside.I met Alex next,he was so sweet.He is even cuter in person,and his smile is breathtaking.Then,I got to meet Mike.He shook my hand sweetly and smiled.He asked what my name was,and I smiled and said "Janie." I was staring at him the entire time he signed my album.He didn't notice,thank goodness.Andy was the last one down the table,and he asked "what'd you think of the show?" I was all "It was AMAZING.I loved it!" It's true.Honor Society puts on a very memorable show,and fun concert that just makes you sad the next day since it's all over.Andy waved and said bye to me.I walked down the steps and started happy dancing with my album in hand.My mom was all "Are you happy now?" I'm all "Yes!" She likes their music too actually,which is so rad(: I wanted to hug them all,but my nervousness and fear overtook me.I didn't want security to get mad,or the fans to if I took too long.I'm determined to hug them all at the meet & greet March 31st,or at least hug Mike. xD Security better not ruin it for me,because if they try,I have my secret weapon.The handhug!Gilliene should know that there will be a lot of screaming,and I scream...loud.I'm extremely determined to be on Mike's side during the concert.Oh and Gilliene,you may have to shove a few fans.I've nudged some so they'd move over,not gonna lie.I can't wait.28 days.

x o x o
Janie

He is;The Only Exception(:

I haven't blogged since the beginning of the year!That's freaking crazy!Honestly,i've been busy.It's been a crazy first few months of 2010.I'm loving every minute of it so far.I haven't been this happy,for a long time.It's easy to hide emotions,and for people not to see them.What has happened lately?1.24.10 I got my first boyfriend ever(: He makes me smile,laugh,and feel beautiful.We met in October 2009.He's my best friends boyfriends best friend.You catch that?xD I love him with all my heart and soul,and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.We have the most amazing conversations.It is long distance,but it's worth it every minute.He's coming to visit soon,and i'm really excited.What else is new with me?Oh yeah,I hate school.

School.When that comes to mind now,I just wanna go hide in my room.I don't like waking up usually anymore,because school scares me somedays.I'm afraid of not graduating high school.It's stupid to think that during the second semester of your sophomore year,but i'm terrified out of my mind.I'm not passing math,it's way too hard for me and I can't go to tutoring because I need to balance all my other classes too.I don't have time to.I just want to be 18 already,that'd be nice.

I can't think of anything else to say. xD
I do however,have some musical obsessions at the moment,
I shall list the songs that i'm addicted to right now.
Or otherwise ones that I listen to most often at the moment(:

Can't Box Me In-Honor Society
Hello Seattle(Remix)-Owl City
The Only Exception-Paramore
When I Look At You-Miley Cyrus
Take It Off-Ke$ha
Coffee Shop Soundtrack-All Time Low
Who I Am-Nick Jonas and The Administration
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room-John Mayer (mine and my boyfriends song :) )


x o x o
Janie