Goodbye 2009,Welcome 2010.

2009 has honestly been a very insane year.So many HORRIBLE things have happened.My older brother was in a car crash but ended up okay,and then a few weeks later my mom was in a car crash and came out with a sore back.I just thank god their both okay.My grandma also passed away this August,on my 15th birthday.A little complicated to celebrate your birthday when everyone wants to cry including yourself.SO many celebrities passed away this year also.I know now that my grandma is out of pain and is an angel,safe in heaven now and i'll see her again someday.I also got in a couple fights here and there with best friends,that I really didn't want to be in anyways.All of these bad things that happened to me,led me to becoming a stronger person in the end.There were some major highlights of 2009 though.I made some amazing new best friends,and also fell in love.I may have been hurting like hell here and there this year,but i'm glad to say that he's come into my life.I'm in love,and I might not be fully fearless,but love is fearless.I didn't think I was going to find my other half or soulmate for a long,long time.I'm so glad I found him this year.I'm hoping 2010 will be a much better year,i'm kind of excited for it.I feel like something good is going to happen,something really good.I hope him and I will finally get to be together,because that's what i'm hoping for.If all this pain has led me to him,I'm glad it did.Everything happens for a reason.Dear 2009,you've been kind of a pain in the ass at times,but you made me a stronger person and I thank you for that.You brought me to the man I love,THANK YOU SO MUCH for that.2010 I look forward to you.

Happy New Year.
x o x o
Janie

Winter Break(:

I'm SO glad Winter Break is finally
here for me.School's honestly been
a pain in the ass,so i'm glad it's time
for break(: Today I got some tasks
done,hooray for that!I cleaned
my bedroom and my bathroom.
My bedroom's been a total
disaster because I haven't
had time to pick anything up
because I was so dang busy
with school work.My
bathroom was messy too,
but now it looks prettyful.
I think tomorrow i'm going
to a family Christmas party,
so that should be fun!I'm
missing the guy I love
a lot lately,I should know
because he's all I think
about usually,and i've
been having lots of dreams
about him.Next subject.
Honor Society.I've been
begging them to come back
to Arizona.I miss them so
much :( When I met them
at the October 14th concert,
I was really scared and nervous.
My mom had to PUSH me
to get me to move toward them. xD
They were all really nice.I wish
I would've hugged them and
been able to take a picture with them,
but I was really afraid others fans might
get mad if I took too long or security
wouldn't want me to touch them. *cry*
I've been tweeting to them A LOT
and even commenting on old pictures
so they could see my comments. :D
hahahaha.I'm a devoted fan.
for sure.I just remembered,
something else to blab in
this blog about. xD
CHRISTMAS :D
I got all my Christmas shopping
done,I just need to wrap everything.
wootwoot(:


x o x o
Janie

Long time.No blog.What's new?

Today was the last day
of newspaper. D:
BOOOOOO.
I'll miss some of
the amazing friends I made in
that class.
*COUGH*ADRIENNE.
*COUGH*GILLIENE.
*COUGH*JESSICA.
*COUGH*TAYLOR.
*COUGH*SHELBIE.
Wow.if I WAS coughing like that,
just wow..xD
&& definitely the one and only Mrs.Roschke!*tear*
She's an amazings teacher!
x o x o
Janie
PS:BLOGGIN LATERRR!

I'm almost done.I'm through right now.

"Stupid girl.I should have known.I should have known.I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale."

I'm sick of all this pain in my life right now.It's all too much to hold onto at once.Right now,i'm worried about my FUTURE.I'm afraid that I won't graduate in 2012 like i'm supposed to.I try so hard in all my classes,but i''m starting to lose focus and get really tired.If I don't pass science this time,i'm screwed.I'd have to retake it a SECOND TIME and that's just not cool,and that'd upset me a lot.

My best friend is amazing,even if she doesn't see it.She's beautiful,funny,talented,and an incredible friend to have.What she doesn't know,is that she can hurt me sometimes,not intentionally either.Like she sends "tweets" to two of her other best friends EVERYDAY,but never me.Sometimes I just feel like I mean nothing to her,even though that's probably not true.I just want her to be happy,and when I hear she's crying,which is about everyday,it hurts me too.I want her to feel happy and not hurt.I appreciate every second she spends trying to send my messages back and forth to get to the guy I love...but I feel bad.I feel bad for her having to be my messenger because when she's upset I keep away from talking about any of my problems or pain because I don't want to make it worse.She never even asks me what my problems are anymore,I don't know if she always think it's the same thing i'm upset over always,because there always seems to be something in life bothering me and hurting me in some sort of form.I just don't want her to be hurt knowing i'm hurt.If that makes any sense.I don't waste my time telling her my problems anymore because I know she's upset enough of the time,why make her feel worse?Feeling down and letting someone know your feeling down and all your problems isn't exactly great.I hope she knows that i'm always here for her to talk or let her rant to anytime.Because I try my best to be a good friend,but maybe i'm just not good enough.

I think of the guy I love everyday and every single night.I just want to talk to him again or finally get a hug from him to feel at peace once again.When I met him face to face and he shook my hand,I felt a sense of safety and comfort.His grasp made me feel safe.I can't explain it,there's just something really special about him,and I know there is.I love him with absolutely everything in me,no doubt about it.Last night,I sat in my bed and theres just sometimes where you need to let things out and talk to yourself..which isn't awkward at all. : I started saying things (about the guy I love) like "you'll probably meet someone prettier and better than me.." "i hope you think of me as much as i think of you..." "i just love and miss you..." and like I was talking to him and he could hear me and that's not possible clearly.I started crying."please.please.just give me a chance,that's all I want is a chance to be with you."

I'm almost crying right now,and no one around me seems to care.Maybe it wouldn't even matter if I was gone.I guess some people would be devasted,but eventually,i'd be soon forgotten.I'm not going anywhere,for now.

x o x o
Janie

Sweet,Sweet Superstar.

You know i've had a lot of fears lately,but I would really like to be fearless.It's just a bit complicated because I love and miss him with everything in me.I live on a daily basis wondering if he even thinks of me as I much as I think of him,or if he's willing to wait for me.I don't even have actual contact with him yet,and it hurts.It's like a process for two of my best friends,for me to get a simple hello to him.I'd like to be able to talk to him on a more personal level.I have my intuitions that i'll have contact with him this month,I can ONLY hope.I don't see how that'll happen.I really hope he feels how I do for him.There's a spark there.

There is as my best friend Leah has told me...about soulmates.I feel like I have half of my heart,and he has the other half.I don't have the heartbreak pain anymore,ever since I first talked to him on Thanksgiving.I feel more happy and at peace when I get to talk to him.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/taylorswift/superstar.html <3

I'm not fearless.

So I guess that I haven't blogged for a while.Did you miss me?!xD What's new in the life of Janie?Well...A LOT (kinda xD). You know how I keep babbling in ALL of my blogs about the guy I love?He likes me back,so I should be happy...right?I am,but yet i'm not.I have several fears.

What if we don't last forever?Because that's what i've been able to picture,living with him and being together.What if I never get actual contact with him?I'd never be able to talk to him personally and on a regular basis.I want to be fearless,i'm just not so sure I can be.How much longer will it be before he meets someone prettier,smarter,and cooler than I am.I don't know if he'll wait for me,i'm waiting for him.I love and miss him.

"I wonder if I ever cross your mind,for me it happens all the time."
(Need You Now by Lady Antebellum)

x o x o
Janie

Talk about one amazing Thanksgiving.

Not only the food,but good lord.
I got to talk to the guy I love.
It was...amazing.He likes me back.That's an incredible feeling as you all might imagine.
I kept smiling and blushing when he talked. "I bet you look cute when you blush."
If only he could've seen.I must give him props for sitting through a 3 way phone call. xD
Right now i'm trying to cheer up my best friend leah,she misses her boyfriend Jay.
no fear dory,nemo is here(:
x o x o
janie

"I don't care what they say,i'm in love with you." <3

Weekend:
This weekend has been pretty good so far.I've luckily gained back my happiness,I don't know where it was.I was just feeling down basically all week.Right now i'm playing Cafe World on facebook and listening to music from Adrienne's blog,because her playlist has a lot of amazing songs on it xD I went and slept over at my best friend Kelli's house last night, and we also saw New Moon.It was freaking AMAZING.A lot better than the first movie I think :) I'm pretty sure i've changed myself to Team Jacob,and not just because Taylor Launter looks hot shirtless ;D



School:
Ugh.I'm ALREADY sick of it.I have been.It's just tiring now,and I can't focus that much anymore,and I'm trying my best.Three days this coming week..I'll try and survive until then.

My Love:
I just really wish we were together already.My best friend Leah's intuition says that we will be Feb.24 but how is that going to happen when I don't even have contact with him right now?It's a lot of pain and yet,extremely amazing to be in love.(so i've heard at least).All I know is I love him and really miss him.I wish I had someone to talk to about him,but no one will.The only person I had to talk to about him,got tired of it.Can you blame me?Not thinking I have a chance with a..superstar?I really can picture being with him.I've never looked at ANY OTHER GUY like i've looked at him."Not many people your age can fall so hard for someone,especially someone they can't be with constantly,so it has to be destiny,it wouldn't make sense if it wasn't."(Leah) All I hope,wish,dream for is him.I hope your intuitions are right leah,because I don't know how much longer i'll take this heartache on.Something inside me won't allow me to give up,I don't know what it is.But i'll just listen to it.



x o x o
janie


With him,i'd dance in a storm in my best dress...Fearless. <3

"Time is the coin of your life...."

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.-Carl Sandburg

Yes,clearly I googled time quotes and sayings xD What for you may ask?Well I was thinking about how dang slow this week went by in my world.It's been like a neverending week. :/ I'm really glad tomorrow is Friday,and I'm pretty sure I actually have PLANS for once.HOORAY FOR FUN :D Me,my mom,and my best friend Kelli && I think her mom also are going to go see New Moon(: woohoo.Afterwards i'm pretty sure Kelli is sleeping over.I'm excited :)

So I have a science quiz tomorrw,that I haven't even studied for,eh :l I guess that's what lunch time is for xD haha.I'm just so tired this week,and I've been really down & sad all week,I'm not sure why, I can only think of a few possible causes.I'm doing pretty well now,I had so much fun in science with shelbie today. :D We made clay models.Shelbie and I made a witch...it was supposed to be Lady Gaga but it epic failed xD oh well :P

My head hurts D:
Well I shall now continue playing my addiction,Cafe World. (:
x o x o
janie

OH NO.MY FISHYS ON HAPPY AQUARIUM. -sprints away- xD

Everytime you smile,I smile.

This song is exactly how I feel about the guy I love.
It's by Taylor Swift.Check out the lyrics && go listen to the song :) <3

i don't feel like spacing this all..so google the lyrics yourself dang it xD
haha kidding :P

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/taylorswift/jumpthenfall.html
I like the way you sound in the morning We're on the phone and without a warningI realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard I like the way I can't keep my focus I watch you talk, you didn't notice I hear the words but all I can think is we should be togetherEvery time you smile, I smileAnd every time you shine, I'll shine for youWoah-oh I'm feeling you babyDon't be afraid to jump then fallJump then fall into meBaby, I'm never gonna leave youSay that you wanna be with me tooCause I'm gonna stay through it allSo jump then fallWell, I like the way your hair falls in your faceOh, You got the keys to me, I love each freckle on your faceOh, I've never been so wrapped up, honeyI like the way you're everything I've ever wantedI had time to think it overAnd all I can say is come closerTake a deep breath and jump then fall into me Cause every time you smile, I smileAnd every time you shine, I'll shine for you Woah-oh I'm feeling you babyDon't be afraid to jump then fallJump then fall into meBaby, I'm never gonna leave youSay that you wanna be with me tooCause I'm gonna stay through it allSo jump then fallThe bottom's gonna drop out from under our feetI'll catch you, I'll catch youWhen people say things that bring you to your kneesI'll catch youThe time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cryBut I'll hold you though the night until you smileWoah-oh I need you babyDon't be afraid please jump then fallJump then fall into meBaby, I'm never gonna leave youSay that you wanna be with me tooCause I'm gonna stay through it allSo jump then fallJump the fall, babyJump then fall into meInto meAnd every time you smile, I smileAnd every time you shine, I'll shineAnd every time you're here, baby I'll show youI'll show you you can jump then fallJump then fallJump then fall into meInto meYeah

Newspaperrr. (don't want no paper gangstaaa.)

Sorry..I HAD to add in those song lyrics xD
So right now I technically have one story,but I need another one to work on.
I was thinking about doing one on Miley Cyrus and like the good and bad of her,
like everyone's opinions sort of and why has she changed so much from being
a "role model" to a "seductive dancer". Shelbie's hating on me because she doesn't
think I write "real stories" but I DO. The Miley Cyrus story WOULD include interviews.Seriously...i'm insulted.Pshttt when I come out with my own books,we'll see who writes the real stories :P
x o x o
janie

"and I wonder if I ever cross your mind.for me it happens all the time."

As you might have read,maybe,I don't really know xD
In my other blog I was talking about the heartache i'm having
from the guy I love.It's just.I don't know.All I desire is a chance
with him,but it's not easy considering i'm the idiot who fell for
a superstar.He's not even that famous yet.How long though,
will it be before he meets some girl better than me.I'm
just another wide eyed girl,desperately in love with him...
I hope leah's intutions about him and I are true.If not.
I have a LOT MORE pain coming my way.
x o x o
janie

"i'd rather feel pain that feel nothing at all,but i just need you now."

At I sit here listening to sad songs,I wonder why life is so conflicty.
Why is it one moment your happy and the next your sad or depressed?
It's just so.I don't know.repetitive.
You can't choose just one path always,you sometimes choose both.
I'm REALLY REALLY tired and frustrated with school,and the year isn't near over.
I don't know how much longer I can't be in this Integrated Science class,before I crack.
Okay,retaking the class is horrible enough.But the immaturity level?That's what pushes my buttons.You know how i've been repeatedly blogging about the guy I love,well it seems like the pain is pushing harding and harder on me.I woke up this morning,not wanting to goto school.At all.I can't stand sitting in that science class anymore,and two of my friends were going to be gone during my science hour,so what's the point.I went anyways.

When is my life going to make sense for once?
The answer?never.

x o x o
janie

friday the 13th.DOES bring bad luck;;

I waited to talk to Jay all week long,
but I understand he was really tired it was 2am where he was,
When I wanted to talk to him tonight.
Time differences suck :[
I cried for over an hour tonight.
Then I got back on here and talked to Leah;
& She's one of my bestest friends in the whole word;
It really helped.She made me smile :P
I'm listening to music from my friend Adrienne's blog xD

School:
I'm really terrified of not graduating right now.I'm doing alright,but I just wish
I was born with more talent in the education area.I was blessed in the english area,
but not Science or Math.I'll keep trying my best,it's all I can do.I'm tired of the pressure
they keep putting on us about credits still,it's really pissing me off.

My "love":
Alright.Seriously.
I'll feel so hopeless and stupid for falling him.
Is it too much to ask for and beg for?A chance.it's all I want and need.
Please god,he has the other half of my heart.

One of my best friends:
Ever since she went through this depression phase,she's different.
And I don't like it.at all. :(

xoxo
janie

I just found this quote...

and it's beautiful..

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine

being a girl :I //the week.

okay so guess what mother nature brought me yesterday;
clearly by the title you can know -_-
but i don't go all PMS and attack people xD
i get stomach aches from HELL.
no joke ):
*cry*
now i know why i desperately want wendy's :D
heehee xD
ANYWAYS.
This has been a completley crazyyy week.
It's felt like an endless week of school;
Today I woke up and i'm like really?It's FINALLY friday!!
Jay's calling tonight :) That's what I have looked forward to all week.
Now if only I could have Wendy's for dinner tonight..that'd make my day ;D
xoxo
Janie
PS:I'm probably going to be addicted to Adrienne's blog because she has amazings music on her playlist :D

Update? :D (LOVE) <3

So i'm going to steal from my best friend Leah's blog (:
"He has my heart like I have never given it to anyone before.He has my trust as if I've never trusted before.He has my faith, much like I have never had faith in anyone before. "
Leah's blog on Love REALLY REALLY was amazing.
What I quoted her on above,is kind of how I feel.
Right now,I'm in love.
Not falling,I'm IN love.
With whom you may ask?
A superstar.
Do I have a chance?Maybe.
Right now,adding up the events that have occured between him and I is is destiny?Yes.
Was Leah right?YES. xD I ADMIT IT!!!!!!!
She has this intuition that he will go out with me,no denying.I deny it endlessly,but Leah threatens me with her salami stick.So i'm going to just let myself fall for him.
He isn't real famous yet,and I met him once.But I feel like there's this amazing connection there. I can't explain it.No matter how much pain i've suffered through to get here,I'm here for a reason.I'm here now nonstop daydreaming about him for a reason.
You know what??Everything happens for a reason.
I love him and hope he'll give me a chance.
I love him with everything in me.
I have my own intuitious feeling i'll be with him before Christmas.
x o x o
janie

An unforgettable day//night (: JonasBrothers.81109.

I remember waking up at about 10am to get up and get ready.
my mom is BEYOND AWESOME & let me miss school for an entrie jonas day :D
so i got dressed.i wore my white flats,purple plaid dress,and my hair was really curly and i loved it(: i was REALLY hoping to meet them.even though i didnt.i could've met Honor Society,but i had to get home and goto bed because i had to goto school the next day.dang it xD anyways.about the WHOLE day :D

We went to the kickball game and at like 12pm we got there.Waited in line for what seemed like forever to get in.But it was worth it.They played against the named team "The Flying Monkeys".The score ended in 9 to 0.JB won of course :) I kept chanting jb's backup band and of course the jonas brothers themselves on.Frankie was in the game too!It was awesome.The worst of it?It was REALLY HOT AND HUMID outside.They gave out like a bunch of free paper fan thingys out with Johnjay and Richs faces.hahaha xD It was crazy how many people were there.I was with my mom,and my best friend in the whole world,kelli and she was with her mom.We didn't get to sit super close,but you could still see them.They even tried to trick the fans.They brought out like "fake nick" i was all "ITS LIES!" xD Poserrr.haha.It was so obviously not him.So I don't have over like 15,000+ dollars or whatever to sit in the dugout.I was blessed and happy that I was able to attend it.So worth sitting in the blazing heat(:

After the kickball game,kelli's mom had to go back to her house to pick up her daughter from school.So it was now me,kelli,and my mom.We had to stop at the gas station so my mom could get gas at Chevron.We went inside and got drinks,I got a large dr.pepper because gosh i was thirsty i went through like two waters at the kickball game.After we got everything and the car was full of gas,we were off to well.SOUNDCHECK :D Kelli didn't know this,but my mom and I found out you can put your wristband on like your friend just bring in the tickets and she could come.We put on that blue wristband on her and she was like "oh my gosh i love you guys!!!" She was so happy and it was worth it to see my best friend smile like that :) We went in and got our VIP gift bags and put on our lanyards(sorry if i spelt that wrong.lol).We waited in line for maybe 20 minutes or longer?Then we were let in.I wore my glasses the whole day because I can't see very well far away.So kelli and i had like.Perfect seats.We were perfectly leveled to see the jonas brothers,and they could see us.I could see Garbo,Ryan,and Jack from a distance.All of us fans in there were doing the wave and would randomly scream.I love how like garbo & everyone he was talking with would turn around like "you crazy people." xD Soon enough.The Jonas Brothers came out.Joe and Nick i think were still in their kickball outfits and kevin was in normal clothes.I remember they sang video girl...and i can't think of the rest :[ they sang a few songs(: they also just so happened to say they were going to pick fans out of the audience and had answered questions.i wasnt picked.that,well,not gonna lie it crushed me.They picked my ex-friend Jess.She didn't treat me well and was a bitch to me.My best friend Leah wants to roundhouse kick her.(love you leah xD) She was dressed like wonder woman and shes well not thin or average.not to be rude.but it wasnt pleasant.I was still very jealous she got to go on stage.Hug them.Play musical chairs with other fans.I probably would've failed but it still wouldve been worth it to go up there and hug them.After that,really soon they had to go.I was seriously about to cry because not only did an ungrateful,spoiled meanie did to go up there.But i didn't get my chance to meet them.So what if your not "hey how are ya?" i still would've gotten to hug them and be talking distance from them.Anywhos.Joe looked at me SO MANY TIMES,kelli even noticed it.I kept waving and dancing+singing to every song(: Kelli did raise her hand for questions,i regret not raising my own.I was just too nervous.I don't know xD After the soundcheck ended i looked at kelli,hugging my jonas brothers bag i got from the VIP gift bag thingy,trying not to cry saying "lets just go.i need my mom." I was pretty well ready to cry.After I saw Jess get on that stage,I was frozen.I was so disappointed.It was pretty horrible,considering I don't want to be the crying fan the jonas brothers worry about.I was so close to crying in front of them,however I held it back.I think joe noticed too,and when they left,for some reason in my mind I thought maybe he was worried.Kelli and i left the arena and man was i hurt.Not just my feet from all this walking in white flats all day(my left foot had been imprinted by my white roxy flip flops the other day and it still hurts)i also had a blister on my right foot.ANYWAYS.We went to eat at MargaritaVille.(hahaha xD)I barely ate.I took some bites of my cheeseburger and ate a few fries and drank my sprite.I felt sick to my stomach.I hadn't even eaten all dang day.Kelli's mom had arrived to eat with us,they didn't have seats on the floor like we did,they were lower level but its better than being in the "nosebleed" section.Soon enough.Time to go in and get seated.

We were on FLOOR.(Section DDD,Row 3)I didn't know how amazing it was until the concert began.Honor Society came on first,i only know parts of "See U In The Dark".BEST PART OF THEM!?!Well i really like their music,but MICHAEL WAVED TO ME :D I kept waving to all of them and Michael waved to me finally(: I'm pretty sure Jordin came on next.She was awesome!She's also from AZ and jordin's an incredible singer.I didn't like it when she touched joe's face.I stood there.Wanting to claw her eyes out.Go ahead and like rub his arm.But not.The face.That is NOT okay. xD heh heh.she's lucky it wasn't my section she was near on the rotating stage and all,i would've screamed at joe to back away or something xD The Wonder Girls came on after jordin,they sang this song called "Nobody" it was a really dancey song.They taught us the dance and i had it down in a few minutes really.When they got off stage it was.Jonas time.

They had REALLY cool special effects.But that wasn't the main attraction xD The whole concert I was screaming,singing,and dancing like there was no tomorrow.Mom bought me a water thank goodness.I drank that down before the concert even ended.Once again,guess what happened?!Joe kept on looking at me(: and I would scream and yell "i love you joe" i couple times and kept waving to him.I never got a wave back,but he knows i exist.I just know it.It's like he knew who I was,which is an incredible feeling.What really touched my heart that night was nick's speech.He sang Black Keys/A Little Bit Longer.If I had the speech i would say it,but i don't.It meant a lot to me.About not giving up,and you can make it through the rough spots in life.The part of the concert that stuck with me was "Turn Right."Joe didn't cry at all during turn right or gotta find you,so i was glad he was feeling alright(: My mom had taken tons of photos.So YAY!And kelli took pictures at the kickball game also. Someone threw a "somebody in arizona loves me" shirt on stage,im all "THATS ME!" xD hahaha.It's insane how that boy takes off his shirt.Like you watched how he did so in the concert movie?I can't do that xD lol.Sorry to skip here..there is so much more detail i could add in this.So you know how the jonas brothers like foam the audience?Well they just so happened to get us all soapy and wet twice.It's like they did it on purpose.I did NOT want to be foamed.I even ducked when they first did it.So what do joe and kevin do?Come back over my section and spray everyone xD It's like joe did this to me on purpose.Still love you joseph ;D I made sure i cleaned off my glasses so i could see and they weren't dirty and got any soapy water outta my hair so i didn't look weird when jb came back around(: I FORGOT TO TELL YOU :D Kevin smiled at me a lot at soundcheck and at the concert.Nick looked at me,but he seems pretty serious so i didnt expect a wave back xD I was that girl in the audience.Screaming,waving at joe&nick&kevin,dancing,singing.Although after joe finished foaming the audience with kevin,i was worried about my cell phone.i later found out it was in the bottom of my purse thank goodness!Sadly,the night had to end.

I could've gone to the Honor Society meet and greet,but i had to goto school and wake up early the next morning.(which was today and i was bummed and almost cried during 1st hour because i want to go back to yesterday and would do anything to go back to that day[:)So I went home and it took me a few minutes to cut my wristband off my wrist,im being sure to keep tickets,wristband,and pics to make myself a scrapbook for it(: (In The Car Ride Home) my mom told me "that was worth every penny.to see you smile and be so excited that much.i would do that again in a heartbeat." :) I love my parents.They are amazing.I am very thankful,grateful, and blessed to have been able to go and get those seats(+VIP),attend the kickball game.The night I was laying in bed and my mom was telling me to goto sleep and telling me not to cry.She knows i was still pretty upset over jess being ungrateful and got something she didn't truly deserve.I didn't cry.As much as i wanted to.I knew i was really happy and grateful for everything i have.So i grabbed my joe bear and got cozy with all my soft blankies,and attempted to sleep.It was extremely hard to.My ears were still ringing and I could hear the chants still."JONAS!JONAS!JONAS".I eventually fell asleep.(i also lost my voice that night too. xD)I kept waking up every 2 or 3 hours,having dreams of the jonas brothers and of joe.and kept playing the turn right part of the concert in my head.When it was time to wake up and goto school it felt like i never slept.But i did.haha(:
that day/night was beyond amazing.something ill NEVER forget. <3

WHY HELLO THEREEEE :D

i havent blogged in SO freaking long Dx
hahaha.
ANYWAYS.
whats new?;;
-i got a new phone
-i feel like my friends sometimes forget im alive.
(im always the one to text or call and it hurts my feelings.it really does.)
-ive been trying to call my bestfriendinthewholeworld Kelli for like 3 days now.i miss her so much :(
-leahs gone for the weekend and i miss her D;
-i wrote an EXTREMELY LONG letter for sheldon
-i had pizza for dinner xDDD ahahahah.
&& dr.pepper to drink [:
-my tummy hurts right now :/ blehhh.

my current favorite song is "The First Cut Is The Deepest" by sheryl crow.
i dunno.it just perfectly fits how im feeling.

x o x o

w h o a.

i had the most horrible nightmare last night.
ill explain it tomorrow XD
right now.im wide awake talking to steffy at midnight.
and im happy.
WHOAAAAA ;D

update on my life?ahahah xD

I'm partially depressed.
woop.di.doo.
[that was sarcasm there folks]
oh so many reasons.
giving up on him still hurts.like hell.
i cant look at him without almost crying;
i cant hear his voice without almost crying.
i found the perfect song for me when i was camping.
"Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls.
it fits perfectly how i feel.
when i heard it,i almost started crying because its EXACTLY how i feel.
now if you dont wanna read anymore about crying stop here xD (no seriously.)
when i was in the shower today,(i have these zune speakers to play music)Iris came on and his image popped in my mind and i almost started crying.one or two tears fell.they were hiding behind my eyes.they still do.
x o x o

dearLeah.

leah rae.
D O R Y.
gahhhh D:
i miss youh already.
you've been gone for 24 hours.*freaks out* xD
heehee [x
i hope you have a great time at your jb concert(:
there is much more to say.
here it goes.
-takes a deep breath-
I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
BEST.FRIENDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
<3
HEEHEE xD
joes arm.nemo.dory.sheldon.edward.bella. [:
you know the drill.
*HUG*
roflmao.
you squeezed under mah door like a hamster to comfort me while i cried from missing you(:
i love you so much<3
CANT WAIT TO COME BACK SUNDAY!
x o x o
janie

dearBailey;

bailey marie.
im going to be leaving for 5 days.
i need to you try & do me a favor?
stay strong<3
i know you have a lot going on,but if you ever wanna think of me,go watch the video i made for you.Ashley&Vanessa-Inseparable.
We are inseparable(:
i love you so much.
ill miss you SO MUCH.
im coming back sunday.
i will text you on the way;
&try to talk to you one way or another;;
like if we go into town to get gas for the truck ill try and text you for a few.
but ill lose my signal when we start driving back to camp.
ON MY WAY HOME;;
ill text you as soon as i get a signal back.
i will have a new 'shattered angel' episode.
(like you havent previewed some ;]) heehee xD
my new video.
& ill work on a new video.dedicated to you.
you are one of my best friends,i dont give a care if your over the internet,
we have gotten to know each other for TWO YEARS.
im very blessed to have such a fantastic best friend.
cant wait till you come to hang with me here in the blazing hawt az(:
i l y s m<3
fly with me.is our best friend song.dont you forget it :D
x o x o
janie.(yourVanessa)

Life.Friends.SHOUTOUTS.

i havent blogged in like what seems as forever xD
Anyways.
life is;;
pretty good(:
i miss my friends.but hopefully ill hang with them really soon.
next week i babysit tuesday starting at 6am.ew xP
but the the two kids im babysitting are ADOARABLE!
&& i really dont wanna change a diaper though -_-
oh well.
getting 40 bucks!WOOHOO.
so i feel like giving some shout outs to my friends.


Kelli:i miss you so much!we will hang out as SOON as your back from camping.or ill come to your house and kidnap you xD rofl.ROOT BEER!!!!:D

Courtney:I miss you too.all the laughs we had in math class xD lol.have fun at miley this summer,while i ROCK OUT to THE JONAS BROTHERS.kidding (: ilysm.but seriously have fun and we need to hang soon.

Kaitlin:GAH!yet another one being very missed.so many inside jokes!!!we need to watch twilight && eat chick fil a(: woohoo.

Leah:so glad i finally told you how i felt and you get it.i love you so much dory.glad to be your best friend(:

Bailey:i miss youuuu.your in my state for the weekend.but i dont get to see you until july -_- oh the torture xD rofl.ilysm<3

Jonas Brothers(rofl they will never see this xD):I love you three with all my heart and im so excited for the new tour!I love all the new songs(: Have fun on tour.i love you!

Depression.

"A condition of general emotion dejection and withdrawl;sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason" "the act of depressing" "the state of being depressed" "sadness,gloom,dejection"

I have been depressed once in my whole life.For exactly two weeks.It sucks,end of story.

There is a way to get OUT of it,but the thing is no matter what people try and say to you,you just blow it off and dont want to get out of being depressed.The problem is,you need to.We are all going to have problems in our life,but we need to resolve them somehow and just move on.When being depressed,you act very lifeless,and it hurts the people around you.The people that love and care about you and hate seeing you so hurt.I personally didn't realize how horrible it was when I myself was depressed.I now see it through one of my best friends,Bailey.I'll admit it hurts A LOT to see her like this.Everything I say to try and help her,she seems to just blow if off.I need her to take the time,to talk me.You can't always just run away crying and not tell people how your feeling.It DOES feel better to talk to people about how your feeling.Because you can let out and talk to someone you love about how your feeling.People are going to fade in and out of our lives.But that's just how it has to be.We have to let go sometimes,even though it's really really hard to.Bailey,there is happiness,you just have to find it.Your one of my best friends and things do get better.Your brother and your mom are family,they will forgive you for whatever happened.You need to just try and sort things out for you and your best guy friend.Your ex-boyfriend will move on,he will get over it.You need to be with the ones who truly love and care about you.If you broke up with him,it was something in your heart you know you had to do.Bailey,your beautiful,funny,nice,and an all around wonderful friend.It breaks everyones hearts to see you act this way,the ones that love and care about you.I care about you a lot,your ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.You can always give me a good laugh,or a smile from roleplaying and just talking to you in general.Don't let life get you down to much,because you need to STAND UP and be strong.We all have strength hiden inside us.You have to let it out.Be strong,be happy.I'm here for you.Instant message me,email me,message me on yt,text me,anything.Your not alone in this battle.I'm trying to help you feel better because I care about you so much and love seeing you happy and hyper.Bailey is the dorkus that kisses her Nick Jonas posters,and bursts out into random dance moves and singing.That is the bailey we know and love.I know I love(: I love you so much best friend.Bailey.Don't you forget it.

boredom.

Boredom SUCKS.
&& long time.no blog.
ahahaha.
i tweet too xD
lmao.
i seriously did nothing all day but sit in this computer chair,IM friends when they were on,and go on yt.
some life i have :/
i need to get OUT OF THE HOUSE.
go shopping.have a sleepover with my best friends or something D:
gahhh.
im so bored.if i could die of boredom.id be SO dead by now.blahh.

s o r r y;;

sorry.
for EVERYTHING i've ever done to damage you.
Leah Rae.
Im very sorry<3
i love you so much.
best friend.
hug...???????

niley/broken hearts.

Ok first off,im sick of all the niley gossip and all this rumor shit.they are JUST FRIENDS.I don't see why people are wildly obsessed with a couple?It makes no sense to me.They are two normal people behind the cameras...whats the big deal?So they possibly recorded a song together,SO FREAKING WHAT!I'm sure it will be a great song,im a HUGE miley cyrus and jonas brothers fan,but i am no fan of "niley".I don't see how this outgoing,crazy girl can match with this firm,calm,quiet guy.It just doesn't add up for me.i have nothing against niley fans or anything...im just stating my opinion.so don't get your pitchforks please xD

So im starting to realize my breaking heart is falling apart,and it always has been.I feel at the moment im being lied to by someone who i thought was my best friend..but maybe its all just to make me hurt.well if thats your wish.CONGRATS,im hurt.

jonasbrothers//myday.

I'm way too excited for their new album.
I REALLY wish JONAS was still on saturdays :/
rawr<3
Anyways.
Today I ate taquitoes for lunch,watched my favorite movie,IMed best friends,and just chilled.ate tacos for dinner.

i love you leah&bailey.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH KELLI *tear*

OH MY J O N A S.

So during the live chat on facebook;;
GUESSWHAT.!
Kevin and Nick Jonas replied to stuff I said.
OHMYGAWD.
Well first off they were talking about Peter Pan,and then joe was telling people to dress up as peter pan or wendy at the concerts.so im all "your giving people ideas joe"
then NICK'S like "yeah joe your giving people ideas"
AND ALSOOOO!
They were talking about going to wikipedia to figure out about poison ivy and such so im all "GOOGLE!" and then kevins like someone just randomly said google.THAT WOULD BE ME!
THIS MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL TO SOME PEOPLE.BUT I STARTED JUMPING UP AND DOWN AFTER THE CHAT AND FREAKING OUT!!!NEXT THURSDAY I WANNA TRY TO GET THEM TO SAY HI TO ME THIS TIME!
AHHH!

b a i l e y // mahVanessa.

So i've known this chica named Bailey for 2-3 years(: she's one of my best friends.I met her through the internet also.DON'T JUDGE ME PEOPLE xD I have real life friends too ;P
ANYWHOZ.So today I was trying to teach her club penguin so we could play games there just cause some of the games there are fun,and she came into my igloo,and cussed xD and shes like "WTF.I GOT BANNED." i was like "well no duh.your not supposed to swear.its a kiddie site." it was hilarious.she made like 3 accounts xD *laughs* i love you bailey.thanks for being such a great friend and helping me through these rough patchs in this thing we call life :) *hugs*

Dory.

"dude chillax on the icecream" -me
"well its like.my little one and its good." -leah
"we had tortellini for dinner last night.it was SO GOOD." -me
"oh im jealous." -leah
"for sureee." -me
"i am.i had like veggie burgers." -leah
"ew." -me
"don't hate on me XD" -leah
Leah's one of my best friends.We have conversations about the most random stuff.and by the way everyone,YOUR JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE DORY,NEMO,AND SHELDON ARE BESTEST FRIENDS.


*cough*poned.

L U K E;;

It doesn't just remind me of Star Wars,but a 4 letter name that broke my fragile heart.

8th Grade;;
I remember the first day.I wore makeup and looked cute(according to my mom xD).So in Tech(computers)Luke taps me on the shoulders and asks me if i'm new,I laughed and said "No.i've been here since 4th grade." He said,"Oh.i've never noticed you before." The bells rings and instantly i'm crushing on him.I had quite a few classes with him,which i was really excited about.When the teacher assigned his seat next to mine in Math class,i was dancing on the inside.
Plus he was good at math,which isn't my best subject.He'd usually help me in class or in the morning during study hall.We started talking more and more and then texting.He only liked me as a friend,which i did NOT know.He lead me on a lot,he seemed pretty flirty to me.There was this super annoying guy Daniel right?He ALWAYS irritated me.Luke would get him to leave me alone.I saw him shove Daniel once even.My best friend Kelli and I were walking out of the class like "ohhh dang!".Luke and I had a really cool friendship,then I heard about Miss Perfect. -_-
Her name is Kim,she always has amazing grades and dresses flawlessly.I don't think she knows what ponytails or sneakers are.Just saying.So when I overheard people say Luke and Kim are dating,I got out a piece of notebook paper and wrote the harshest song in the history of harsh songs.It took away the place of me wanting to cry my eyes out.I cried a lot at night.Then more and more songs came.It was like songs were pouring out of my heart and soul.He eventually just flat out stopped texting me back and talking to me.I never knew why.I spent nights crying my blue-green eyes out,staring at the piece of notebook paper with the "Invisible" lyrics by Taylor Swift on it.The song fit me like a charm.And he NEVER knew how hurt I was.I'm still hurt to this very day.
Freshman Year(High School);;
Now it's high school.At the beginning of the year I tried to text him a few times,he never replied.I just gave up.Nowadays I don't even look at him when I pass by.I want to slap him accross the face.Kidding.I had a plan.
Luke-hey janie.
Me-who are you?
Luke-remember me from 8th grade?
Me:i used to know a luke,but you can't be him.
My plan was simple as that.If he ever talked to me again.It still is my plan.I got some great songs out of me,and I still song write.I've moved on from him.He's in my past now.My memories won't fade.If a guy leads me on like that ever again,Leah has permission to roundhouse kick him.

shattered.

she doesn't know and i wont tell her how much my hands are shaking,and how fast my heartrate started beating when i knew.im permanently broken.

i dont like depressing weather.

i hate it when its all super cloudy.
but i love the smell of rain :)
so do you ever sit there with your head against the window looking up at the clouds when your in the car..?that's what i was doing on my way home from the movies.
i went and saw Night At The Museum:Battle Of The Smithsonian.
it was really hilarious and good.go see it!and guess what JB fans?the jonas brothers play cherubs and its great xDso while i stared out the windows looking up at the clouds.
i ponder why my prayers havent been answered.or how i can live with the feeling that i hurt someone(no i didnt kill someone xD im not psyco)but emotionally.i wondered if i should still stay friends with her...its just too complicated.she D O E S love him more.that is clear&obvious to me.she needs him.its hard because i can't EVER forgive myself for leaving her and breaking her down like that.it felt like so long ago,but i won't ever forgive myself for it.not now,not ever.i can apologize a thousand times to her,and she will accept it,but never will she realize i feel awful.

Try not to fall TOO hard for a guy you don't know,and DON'T EVER cause drama with your friends or be too immature about stuff.

You might end up in my position.
Broken.

all i wanna do is cry.

thats not a song xD
im serious.
im seriously about to cry.
please dont ask.

SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER.

Goodbye freshman year.hello sophmore year!
HOORAY!
SCHOOLS OUT SUMMERS INNN :D
woohoo!

please find her.

So what i really don't get is how you can love someone and need them,when you don't even know them.I have a best friend,that loves the same man but we don't compare to the "love" we share for him.That was an awkward sentence,I don't know why xD ANYWAYS.She is always telling me how much she needs him,and I know it hurts her knowing I'm another girl that loves the same man she really wants to marry.She's been through A LOT.A lot more than I have experienced.I understand and respect who she is.I just wish that she knew that I love him just as much,I know she knows that.But she doesn't realize IT HURTS ME when she talks about her wanting to marry and have kids with him,and that she needs him badly.I think she does deserve him,but so do I.So I haven't been through as much as her,but I've been through friendship hell and back and broken hearted extremely(i'll blog about who it was sometime.) Honestly,sometimes I just want to shut her out,that sounds very horrible,but sometimes I just want to walk off...and run as far as I can.She's ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS and i love her like a sister,but loving the same guy can get a little intense.That sounds like a soap opera.haha.

I wish he knew who she was and knew who i am.That better happen this summer.She really needs him,maybe more than I do,and i want him to meet her.So if i don't get my chance this summer in August.She better get her own chance to meet him.

Joe please find her.
x o x o

ScienceSucks.

So i've NEVER been good at science.Just my luck,the final was today.
(not like i didnt know,im just saying)
So I worked SUPER hard on my study guide;;
&& studied for what seemed like forever.
Studied last night,after my math final(today),and a little bit before class started.
Just to find out,I wasted my time.
NOTHING FROM THE STUDY GUIDE WAS ON THE TEST!
WTH!?!?!?
What is the point of that...????
The final was super ultra hard,and i almost started crying after i took it.
I DO NOT want to retake science.
I hate it.end of story.

makeitafreakshow//here(in your arms)

those are currently my two song obsessions.
& so is Circus Face(circus remix with poker face).
today was the last full day of school.THANK GOODNESS!
tomorrow is my math&science finals -_-
EWIEEE!
but then im free from math and science FOREVER.
well until next year xD
i want to thank google for being amazing.
and leah for being so smart.
THANKYOU.
well im very distracted from getting the last two answers on my study guide;
& i N E E D to study until im crying that i don't want to anymore.
WISH ME LUCK ON MY FINALS!
x o x o.

NEWViDEOOO.

So i spent ALL DAY making a new video.
sv(sony vegas)was being dumb and kept like making clips go poof O.o
i was like *sigh* RECONVERT.like 5 times.
it finally started being nice,and cooperated.
my new video is gonna be mileycyrus.
if you don't like her thats your opinion.so don't tell me it (:
hmmm.im pondering wheather bailey disappeared or is taking this dang long to goto the bathroom.
right now my video is rendering,and if it doesn't turn out ok,i will NOT be happy. xD

"NEMO?!that's a nice name."

so last night i took tylonol & went to go lay in my bed and chillax then goto sleep.
GUESS WHAT WAS ON WHEN I WAS FLIPPING THROUGH CHANNELS xD
finding nemo(: woohoo.
it was right at the part where the pelican is telling nemo that his dad has been searching the entire ocean looking for him.
and the amazing dory,well shes just my favorite character.
i love how when their all in the big fish net,close to the edge of death,and they are all trying to swim down,and dorys like singing "Just keep swimming.." xD
thats definitely one of my favorite disney movies.
everytime it would be like "Don't swim away finding nemo will be right back"
right before it's gonna go on commercial.i instantly think of Leah!bahaha!
x o x o.

goodnight&goodbye.

my head hurts.
its been hurting.im too lazy to go get tylonol.
ill get some before i goto bed.
and i seriously have like a trillion new video ideas xD
hooray for ideas and intelligence..!
anywhoz.
i love blogging much better than twitter.
BLOGGGGGGGGGG.
wow.
what was that?!
bahaha (;
xoxo.

britneyspears.

MAKE IT A FREAKSHOWWWW.
i apologize for the random song lyrics.
i have my zune software up so i can sit here and listen to music.
i wonder why people think JB fans only have like "cheesy stupid" pop music.
i just said i 4 damn times. xD
&& have any of you people heard Circus Face?
its a remix of Circus with poker face.
you would assume i'd be sick of circus after listening to it so much because of dance.
but nope.
SPOTLIGHT ON ME AND IM READY TO BREAK.IM LIKE A PERFORMER THE DANCE FLOOR IS MY STAGE.
so out of my spotlight beeotchss xD
kidding.
peace outtt<3

yearsbooks//high school.

So i've been putting off and forgetting to get a year book all freaking week.so i finally went and got one this morning.woohoo.my best friends took up pages *coughs*COURTNEY.KELLI. XD
This year of high school has been very very fast.faster than i thought it would be.im glad its almost over.finals next week(ew) then THAT VERY LAST DAY.im desperately hoping to pass my science final.i need to study for the life of me.im horrible at science,how do i explain it..i hate it so much and all of it wont process through my brain and i cant pay attention to it,because i know i don't even need it in my life.i feel like im disappointing myself and my parents by not passing.school is imporant to me,even though it's not the greatest thing in the world clearly.overall the journey of my first year of high school has been interesting.i met awesome new people Kaitlin,Jamie,Jess,etc..!I experienced depression.all i can say is im over it for good.two weeks was enough of that.im happy now.even though stupid finals are next week for math,science,and dance.a final in dance?!?yeah i know its VERY stupid XD but we get to use our study guides so im cool with it.

dory.

i have this best friend & we met over the internet.shes not a creeper and i have proof.woohoo.
ANYWAYS.
She has been through some really rough patchs,that i can't go back and erase.
I try my best to understand,but I know I never really can.
She means the absolute world to me.
I'm glad I met her.
Even though we're miles and miles apart,shes still holding a part of my heart.
that was cheesy.but i dont care(:
She's one of those girls that people just will judge and not give her a chance.
wth is wrong with people nowadays and being so judgemental?
I accept her for who she is.
So she's got some personal problems.Well maybe if you opened your eyes and ears you could hear her story.
I can't go all the way to Nebraska,but I can try to talk to her,cheer her up the best i can.
I loves her.shes one of my bestest friends even though I can't call her or text her,goto her house.
It breaks my heart to hear about how often she crys.She doesn't deserve it.
She's gorgeous inside and out.
She's MY DORY && IM HER NEMO.poned.