What time is it?Summer time(:

Long time no blog eh?xD I just don't like to blog that often,it's not really my thing.I use facebook and twitter a lot.Blogging's just a waste of time in my mind,not like anyone cares about what I write in these anyways.If you do care,then your awesome.What's to say here?Let's start with the latest news.

School:
I passed all of my classes.Yes,I freaked out.I was so excited,words can't describe.I was so afraid I wouldn't pass 2 of my classes.It's amazing what studying and focusing a bit more can do.Hallejuah.Hooray for summer break. :)

Boyfriend:
*sigh* I miss him.So much,it's insane.I try to avoid crying,and i've been doing pretty well.I just wish he could be here to hang out with me.Long distance really sucks,but I know in the end it'll all be worth it.

Friends:
*deep sigh* wow.Just,so much going on with friends right now.One of my best friends is heartbroken,one of my best friends is afraid of rejection from a boy she likes,one of my best friends seems confused....Yeah...I handle it all.I'm not a therapist,nor do I try to be.My friends mean the world to me,I just like to help out and try and help them be happy and stay happy.Happiness is wonderful,nuff' said.

Me:
I'm learning how to play guitar.That's the newest 'news' with me.I can't really play chords (the 'G' 'A',etc.)..but I can play a song intro and 'Smoke On The Water.' I'd say thats at least an accomplishment.I'm going camping soon,which i'm excited about!The only downside is i'll miss my friends and the new 'Ghost Hunters Academy' this week. (I can hear my best friend Leah saying 'Dork.' haha.love you leah :D) I guess all is well for now.I just have to stay strong,and be here for the ones who need me most.

x o x o
Janie

We Love Like Vampires :)

As I said recently,my cousin showed me some new bands.Including 'Sparks The Rescue',whom sings the song 'We Love Like Vampires' it's seriously amazing.Check out Sparks The Rescue if your into bands like 'All Time Low' or if your just into listening to new music!Right now i'm webcamming with my best friend Bailey.She lives in Nevada,and i'm probably going there to visit in July.Woohoo :D I just found that out today thanks to Bailey.Today wasn't too bad for once.Hallejuah.I didn't really get any homework,which is an epic win.I just have to work on finishing my biology lab report.All I have to work on is my conclusion and extension questions,which shouldn't take that long.Tomorrow Honor Society is having a live chat and I believe their appearance on 'Silent Library' which of course will be extremelyyy epic!I bet Andy laughed a lot...because well...I know andy.ahahaha. :D
My boyfriend is also calling,YAYxinfinity. :) I miss him so much,and I know he's busy working,so we're both dying to talk to each other.I can't wait!Tomorrow I think me and some of my besties are having a Dance,Dance Revoloution Party at my house,which should be fun.I wanted to go see 'The Last Song' but one of my friends has a doctors appointment and Kelli already saw it,epic fail.Oh well,I'll go sometime hopefully.Well,I don't know what else to say,I'm going to rant and complain about school soon enough in another blog,Oh joy.

x o x o
Janie

The wound can't be healed,but it can (slowly,but surely) be mended.

I've been doing a lot better lately.I've cut away from overeating,hallejuah.Right now,it's just a matter of taking it easy.I'm still trying my best in school,and i'm TRYING to not worry about the future,and just take care of the present.

Yesterday,I started cleaning my closet out.It was,in all honesty,the closet of hell.It took me basically all day,and i'm still not done with giving stuff away,but I got mostly all of it done.So hooray for that!I don't know what it was,but I started bawling while I was cleaning.I don't know if it was because I was overwelmed,or what.It's just going through all these memories,realizing that times passing,it's a little crazy.

I also went to my cousins yesterday,which was such a relief for the day I was having.
My cousins always know how to entertain me!They have Rock Band,and we would go outside and play this game with beanbags and throw them in this hole..cornhole I think it was?(I can't remember!)I epic failed at it,but it was still fun.I also had an intense game of Mario Kart 64 with Alex,and I epic failed at that too. xD I'm usually really good at it,but I give him props for beating me.Even though I punched him in the arm and kicked him due to his epic winning. :D He also introduced me to some new bands to listen to,and he's all proud that I don't like The Jonas Brothers anymore...and he told me "I feel like we're closer now.I don't know why.It's just they weren't good!" xD Hahahah.alex.I'll definitely be adding some of the music he's showed me (and new songs he sends me) to my playlist here on my blog.

My boyfriend's calling me this friday,and I have no school.I'm so excited!:D To top it all off,HONOR SOCIETY is getting a letter I wrote for them this week too!I'm pretty sure it's this week.I gotta feeling...that this week's gonna be a good week...woohooooo.

x o x o
Janie

PS: I'd like to thank the two people who've helped me get through this the most.

Leah & Gilliene.

Leah:You really are one of the best friends i've ever had.Thank you for everything you do,I appreciate it more than you could ever know.You've helped me to find the strength in the struggle,and I can't thank you enough for that.Thanks for being you,that's the end of it.I love you.

Gilliene:You know how to make me smile or laugh,when I can't even find the will to.You've written me letters that take me at least 10 minutes to read,because of the epicness.The letters mean the world to me,they really do.Thank you so much for everything.I love you.

Just trying to live your life,can be Unpredictable.

I'd like to thank my friends for attempting to cheer me up,and help me out to their best ability.This isn't something that is easy to snap out of,and isn't simply fixed.The only one that can help me,is my boyfriend.He's the only one who can pull me through this right now.I miss him so much,it hurts.It hasn't been this bad for a long time,and no one really understands it.I just wish he could be here,but I know he can't.It gets so hard sometimes,I feel like I want to give up.I wouldn't give it up for the world,I can't really explain it.I don't handle pain very well,and I have been suicidal more than once in my life.That just hasn't ever been like me,to think like that.I get that my friends just want to help me right now,but i'm not repairable right now.I'm so broken right now,not many things can mend it except for him.School has become so difficult for me,I can't really handle it.I try so hard to do my best,but it's just not good enough anymore.Today I got a paper with "Options" for NOT PASSING MATH.Dude,I haven't even gotten to the final yet.That just really upset me.To walk outside of the classroom because i'm one of the students who has under a "C".That's just embarrassing,and not to mention something to easily ruin my day.I feel like i'm wearing a mask everyday.I pretend that everything's okay,when it's really not.I just don't want questions to be asked,because questions require answers.It seems like the same things usually,school and missing my boyfriend.Then when other problems come into play,it makes it so much more worse.I CAN'T goto summer school because first of all there's no WAY that we can afford to,and second off I don't want to spend my whole damn summer back in math class.I've gotten offered help,but I honestly just wish I was born really smart and could get straight A's.Because that would be epic.But no,I was born stupid. :/

x o x o
Janie

Honor Society.

I have yet to fully blog about my favorite band,so i'm going to do that.

You know,bands and music are fully vital to me.In my mind,I feel as though if I didn't have music,I'd be dead.Music can pull me through a lot,and some lyrics just hit me hard.No one knows what some music means to me,or what some bands mean to me,especially Honor Society.

I discovered Honor Society on the Jonas Brothers World Tour 2009.I really liked their sound,and instantly got excited for their album to release.I wish I would've discovered them earlier,but i'm just thankful I discovered them period.I bought their album the day it released,looked them up on youtube.That's how it all started.I developed an "obsession" as most people would say.

Their music was really easy for me to fall in love with,especially the lead singer's voice.It was music I could dance to,or even relax to.I've listened to the 'Fashionably Late' album well over 100 times i'm sure,and I never get tired of it.

Recently,I found all of their old EP albums on youtube.I was so excited,even if I wasn't jumping out of my computer chair because of it.I immediately downloaded all of the songs and put them onto my zune.I noticed that the older songs told more of a story,and most of them aren't as upbeat as the newer songs.I love them anyways,and I'm really addicted to Heartache In The Suburbs,Coldspell,Unpredictable,and This Bed Is An Ocean.Very much addicted to Heartache In The Suburbs though.

I could never fully explain how much they mean to me,I love them.I feel as though it's necessary to say something individually about each of them.

Michael(Mike)-Sweet,sweet superstar.I never fail to smile everytime I get to meet you again.Everytime I see you,or hear your voice my face lights up.Did you know that the only thing that can calm me down is "Goodnight,My Love." it really can be my lullaby at times.I've listened to all of the old EP albums,and it sounds like you may have had a rough past with girls.Not to ram into your personal life,i'm just saying,whoever breaks your heart or hurts you,I'll break their face.Your a great guy,whoever doubts it needs to be punched..in the face.No duh.Thank you for making me smile,thank you for just being you.

Andrew(Andy)-You really NEVER fail to make me laugh.You've seriously made me fall down from laughing before.Your tweets usually blow up my phone,and I know it's you because I take my phone off lock and i'm all "hmm.53 new texts messages.Bet it's tweets from Andy." I love your tweets though."Does a bear shit in the woods?" That is hilarious,and still makes me laugh.You have a unique sense of humor,and it works for you.You don't take everything too seriously,and that's what so likeable about you.You seem like someone I could easily dance down grocery aisles with,haha(: Thank you for making me laugh,when I felt like I couldn't.

Jason(Jay)-You are so creative,and I love hearing you play your keyboard.Frozone Rodrigaz Filipe Johnston III pretty muchs CRUSHES.The first time I saw the Gentlemen's Club "Olympic Fever" I was laughing so much that it was painful!Frozone needs to make a comeback for reals.I try to do the 'Frozone' accent,but it's never near as great as the original.I don't know if your shy or what,but you need to talk more.I feel like when i'm watching the live chats,your not talking as much.Your amazings!

Alexander(Alex)-oh alex,Is it bad that I feel like laughing before I type this?You make me laugh, just as well as Andy does.I attempt to dance the 'Gayne Wetsky',but I just can't do it as good as you.I hope you goto Vancouver someday,because my best friend Laura really needs it.She really likes you,and loves Honor Society with all her heart.My other best friend,Gilliene,she likes you too.I seriously feel like all of my friends have a crush on you.You can't help being adorable though can you?I have honestly never seen someone as rad at the drums as you.You go absolutely INSANE when you play the drums.You duh best baby :D

Honor Society means everything to me.I love them with all my heart and soul.They all make me smile and laugh,and have a special place in my heart.Their music makes me dance,and sometimes even cry.Everytime I meet them it feels like a brand new experience,and it never gets old.When they leave,I don't feel whole.That sounds cheesy and lame,but they really are amazing.They are all sweethearts,and never fail to make me feel special.

I've been trying to get my mom to take me to their concert in California in June this summer,but it's slightly epic failing at the moment.She said that she'd think about it.I really hope she does.I sent her a message on facebook,(hahaha.really classy.talk about technology. :P)I explained to her how badly I do want this.I was hoping I could just do that for my sweet sixteen,since it's in August.I hope she lets me,because it would mean more to me than she could ever know.

Honor Society has helped me through a lot.They deserve to win a grammy,they deserve to be on Ellen and Oprah,they deserve to play arenas/stadiums.They WILL get there someday.I believe in them,I support them with everything in me.

I Love Honor Society.
No Duh.
x o x o
Janie

Who is that girl I see,Staring straight back at me.

Well,I could list many things,but this blog isn't so I can sit here and point out all my flaws and make myself start crying..because that'd be really,really dumb.

Lately,I feel like i'm lying to the world and to myself.I don't know who I am,and it doesn't even seem like my reflection is me anymore.I miss him so much that it hurts,more than anyone could ever imagine.It kills me sometimes,but I wouldn't trade it for anything.Ever since I walked away,and it all hit,that he wouldn't be back to visit me for a while,it hurt...so much.This isn't something I can snap out of,something I can bounce back like usual and dance around like life's perfect.Life isn't perfect,that's clearly obvious.So what did I do to try and heal my missing him,I wanted to find an escape.I turned to overeating apparently,it gave me some sort of escape.I like food,but I began eating to where I wasn't even hungry.I'm pretty sure I gained a couple pounds because of it.I spend most nights crying myself to sleep,i'm lacking in school and not wanting to do any of the work,i'm avoiding the world and trying to hide from it.I feel like he's the only one that can fix this pain,and that's most likely a fact.I got my heartbreak pain back.I used to get this actual pain in my heart,because I wanted to be with him.Now that I AM with him,shouldn't that be gone?Is there this special missing him pain I get to receive now?I really want to be happy,I want better grades,I want to be able to talk to him more often.I know he has a job,I get that.Is it so selfish that I just want him to be here with me to hold me and stop the tears from falling?I love him with all of my heart and soul,I wouldn't trade this all for ANYTHING.I just can't wait for the day when I get to see him again,or spend the rest of my life with him.

x o x o
Janie

The week of ultimate hell.

Just read the title,nuff said.This week was just so...let's put it into one word..well it's rather an expression...UGH!I had AIMS testing on Wednesday and Thursday (today).The math AIMS really sucked,because the second part of it I didn't know at all hardly.It was geometry,and i'm not to that math level yet.Your required to take this test,and need it to graduate.I need to pass.NEED TO.Today was Science AIMS,which wasn't so bad because it's not required to pass and doesn't count.Which,total cool beans for that one.It wasn't really that hard,some of it was confusing,but it was alright.What I don't understand is why teachers want to pile work onto us,when we're already stressed over testing.It's like they don't understand we have lives outside of school,and other classes.I just don't understand it.I know we're being forced to learn but,hello,reality check?Biology and Math are my worst classes right now.Bio is just draining me to no end,and I hate walking in there everyday.Hate.it.My teacher is constantly giving us worksheets, (good lord.LOTS OF WORKSHEETS.) and stupid packets.It drives me completely insane.Math is just not my best subject either,never was.I'm just trying my hardest,and hoping it will all be okay.I'm just so stressed right now,and I have nothing to relieve it.Not even music can help me,not even you.

I also found out today,that the day of mine and my boyfriends 3 month anniversary,he's working.I won't be able to talk to him.No one really cares,but that really hurts.I miss talking to him,more than anyone could really understand.To top it all off,he's really packed full of working,until May basically.I haven't heard from him,technically,for a LONG time.I miss him so much,it hurts,it does.I love him,with my all of my heart and soul.I understand that he's busy with work,but sometimes,I just wish he was here with me.I often cry myself to sleep at nights,because..I can't stop myself from not crying.


My brother Conner,pretty much lives to make me miserable.He actually think it's and I quote HIM "comical." Are you serious?You think it's funny to piss people off?How would you feel if I pissed you off,didn't stop pissing you off,and then laughed at you.Seriously,what the hell is that.He called me heartless the other day for not watching some 'funny youtube video.' I get that he's going through his little 'hormonal' stage or whatever crap that is since he's thirteen,but I mean HE DOESN'T KNOW ME.He doesn't have my life,he doesn't live as I do.He isn't going through anything that I am.He doesn't understand me.

I know all of this may not seem like a big deal,but this is my life.No one is ME,nor will they ever be.No one feels the way I do.Tomorrow's friday,and I have tests and more homework to do right now.

Freaking.A.

Teenagers + Love.

You know what?Whoever says that love is easy,is a LIAR.Love isn't easy,not as easy as it seems to be at first.I miss my boyfriend.That's the end of it.He's busy with his job,and i'm busy with school.I really just want to graduate and be done already.School just freaking sucks.I don't like waking up early,I don't like being told what classes to take,I don't like testing,I don't like homework.Who does?Because if you do,your absolutely insane in my opinion.I'm literally sitting here in my computer chair,listening to Alicia Keys,just about crying.To top it all off,my brother just called me heartless,for not watching some damn 'funny video'.My life is great isn't it?I'm horrible at math and not passing it right now,I have a freaking AIMS tesing on math tomorrow.Geometrys on it,I haven't even LEARNED Geometry yet. (I'd like to thank my dad,for just now yelling at him.Thank you daddy.) *sigh* I just don't understand my life sometimes anymore.You know,I get called a dork and all.I don't mind it honestly.But sometimes,I wonder if people find me as "immature".Because that's kind of an insult.I just like to have fun.I didn't USED to be the way I am now.I 'broke out of my shell' as my mom says.I used to be very quiet,and not willing to talk to many people.I dance down grocery aisles,and sing songs with my best friends in public.Your only young && a teenager once,so why not make the best of it?I try to,but sometimes being a teenager,really really sucks.I said something about being in love with my boyfriend once talking to my best friend Gilliene,and some 18 year old in my Theatre class overheard and said "Your fifteen.your not in love." Who tells me if i'm in love or not?I AM IN LOVE.I'm deeply,madly,truly,hopelessly in love.No matter how bad it hurts sometimes from how much I miss him,I know it'll all be worth it in the end.For now,I guess tears are words that the heart can't say.
x o x o
Janie

I'm falling overboard,I'm drowning,lost without him.

Last weekend,I found out that my boyfriend made a horrible,horrible mistake.I didn't know how to react to it,or what to say.I usually know what to say,but in this case especially,I didn't.I love him with all my heart,and I know in time I will forgive him.He is the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world,and I don't want to lose him.I haven't talked to him since I found out about his mistake,and I miss him a lot.I know i'll be able to see him soon,but that doesn't stop me from missing him and wanting him to hold me in his arms.Have you ever cried so hard,that you can't breathe?That happened to me last night.I don't really know why I was hurting so bad,it seemed like anything & everything that hurt me kicked at me at once.Then my brother,Conner,actually walked in while I was crying,and I tried to pretend I was asleep.I was supposed to decorate for my dad's birthday,but I wasn't up for it and I WAS going to sleep.He threw a pillow at me and told me I was supposed to go decorate and crying I was all "Do it yourself." Then he said "What's the matter with you.Are you on drugs?"Seriously?What the hell kind of response is that to me crying my eyes out?Sometimes I wonder if he cares for anyone besides himself.I ended up crying for at least two hours.It didn't seem to end.Have you ever wondered for a moment if you want to live or not?I stood at that point.I hate when I think like that,and I know there are so many people that love me and that I have a lot to live for.I don't plan on leaving anytime soon,I plan to keep fighting on this battlefield.

x o x o
Janie

Nothing On But The Radio;

I have this slight addiction and love for the radio.I used to stop listening to it a while ago,unless I was in the car.I listen to it a lot nowadays,and I love it.There's just something about the radio.The imperfectness it has when it's staticy,the randomly played songs,and the joy you get when you hear a song you already love.I get annoyed when commercials come on.It's like bring the music back on,now!xD Aside of the radio,shuffle on my zune can be pretty amazing.It's almost as if my zune knows my mood sometimes.I normally can't go a day without music.I can get annoyed,or bored easily.My zune is practically my lifeline.I have over 1,000 songs on it.To me,songs aren't written from the mind onto a piece of paper.A song is words written from the heart and soul.Thanks to the radio,I found songs that i'll keep with me forever.Love can each eternity,and when you think about it,so can the songs from the radio.

x o x o
Janie

28 Days;Here Comes Trouble.

It's exactly 28 days until my Honor Society concert.Excuse me,party.Because they don't throw shows,they throw parties(: I'm so excited,even though it's going to be on a Wednesday again.The best part is,i'm bringing my best friend Gilliene to this show.I got her into their music,and now I actually have an Honor Society buddie here in my state which is awesome.She has a major crush on Alex Noyes,I can't wait to see what happens when she meets him.I still remember exactly everything from when I met them in October 2009.I met Jason first and handed him my album to sign, he opened it up and said "Here?" "Or here." Directing to sign on the front of the album.He signed it,and I can't remember if it was him or Alex that said this but he said "Are you mother and daughter?" (I goto all my concerts with my mom.) My mom's all "yes." and he's all "That's so cute!" I was freaking out on the inside.I met Alex next,he was so sweet.He is even cuter in person,and his smile is breathtaking.Then,I got to meet Mike.He shook my hand sweetly and smiled.He asked what my name was,and I smiled and said "Janie." I was staring at him the entire time he signed my album.He didn't notice,thank goodness.Andy was the last one down the table,and he asked "what'd you think of the show?" I was all "It was AMAZING.I loved it!" It's true.Honor Society puts on a very memorable show,and fun concert that just makes you sad the next day since it's all over.Andy waved and said bye to me.I walked down the steps and started happy dancing with my album in hand.My mom was all "Are you happy now?" I'm all "Yes!" She likes their music too actually,which is so rad(: I wanted to hug them all,but my nervousness and fear overtook me.I didn't want security to get mad,or the fans to if I took too long.I'm determined to hug them all at the meet & greet March 31st,or at least hug Mike. xD Security better not ruin it for me,because if they try,I have my secret weapon.The handhug!Gilliene should know that there will be a lot of screaming,and I scream...loud.I'm extremely determined to be on Mike's side during the concert.Oh and Gilliene,you may have to shove a few fans.I've nudged some so they'd move over,not gonna lie.I can't wait.28 days.

x o x o
Janie

He is;The Only Exception(:

I haven't blogged since the beginning of the year!That's freaking crazy!Honestly,i've been busy.It's been a crazy first few months of 2010.I'm loving every minute of it so far.I haven't been this happy,for a long time.It's easy to hide emotions,and for people not to see them.What has happened lately?1.24.10 I got my first boyfriend ever(: He makes me smile,laugh,and feel beautiful.We met in October 2009.He's my best friends boyfriends best friend.You catch that?xD I love him with all my heart and soul,and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.We have the most amazing conversations.It is long distance,but it's worth it every minute.He's coming to visit soon,and i'm really excited.What else is new with me?Oh yeah,I hate school.

School.When that comes to mind now,I just wanna go hide in my room.I don't like waking up usually anymore,because school scares me somedays.I'm afraid of not graduating high school.It's stupid to think that during the second semester of your sophomore year,but i'm terrified out of my mind.I'm not passing math,it's way too hard for me and I can't go to tutoring because I need to balance all my other classes too.I don't have time to.I just want to be 18 already,that'd be nice.

I can't think of anything else to say. xD
I do however,have some musical obsessions at the moment,
I shall list the songs that i'm addicted to right now.
Or otherwise ones that I listen to most often at the moment(:

Can't Box Me In-Honor Society
Hello Seattle(Remix)-Owl City
The Only Exception-Paramore
When I Look At You-Miley Cyrus
Take It Off-Ke$ha
Coffee Shop Soundtrack-All Time Low
Who I Am-Nick Jonas and The Administration
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room-John Mayer (mine and my boyfriends song :) )


x o x o
Janie