Goodbye 2009,Welcome 2010.

2009 has honestly been a very insane year.So many HORRIBLE things have happened.My older brother was in a car crash but ended up okay,and then a few weeks later my mom was in a car crash and came out with a sore back.I just thank god their both okay.My grandma also passed away this August,on my 15th birthday.A little complicated to celebrate your birthday when everyone wants to cry including yourself.SO many celebrities passed away this year also.I know now that my grandma is out of pain and is an angel,safe in heaven now and i'll see her again someday.I also got in a couple fights here and there with best friends,that I really didn't want to be in anyways.All of these bad things that happened to me,led me to becoming a stronger person in the end.There were some major highlights of 2009 though.I made some amazing new best friends,and also fell in love.I may have been hurting like hell here and there this year,but i'm glad to say that he's come into my life.I'm in love,and I might not be fully fearless,but love is fearless.I didn't think I was going to find my other half or soulmate for a long,long time.I'm so glad I found him this year.I'm hoping 2010 will be a much better year,i'm kind of excited for it.I feel like something good is going to happen,something really good.I hope him and I will finally get to be together,because that's what i'm hoping for.If all this pain has led me to him,I'm glad it did.Everything happens for a reason.Dear 2009,you've been kind of a pain in the ass at times,but you made me a stronger person and I thank you for that.You brought me to the man I love,THANK YOU SO MUCH for that.2010 I look forward to you.

Happy New Year.
x o x o
Janie

Winter Break(:

I'm SO glad Winter Break is finally
here for me.School's honestly been
a pain in the ass,so i'm glad it's time
for break(: Today I got some tasks
done,hooray for that!I cleaned
my bedroom and my bathroom.
My bedroom's been a total
disaster because I haven't
had time to pick anything up
because I was so dang busy
with school work.My
bathroom was messy too,
but now it looks prettyful.
I think tomorrow i'm going
to a family Christmas party,
so that should be fun!I'm
missing the guy I love
a lot lately,I should know
because he's all I think
about usually,and i've
been having lots of dreams
about him.Next subject.
Honor Society.I've been
begging them to come back
to Arizona.I miss them so
much :( When I met them
at the October 14th concert,
I was really scared and nervous.
My mom had to PUSH me
to get me to move toward them. xD
They were all really nice.I wish
I would've hugged them and
been able to take a picture with them,
but I was really afraid others fans might
get mad if I took too long or security
wouldn't want me to touch them. *cry*
I've been tweeting to them A LOT
and even commenting on old pictures
so they could see my comments. :D
hahahaha.I'm a devoted fan.
for sure.I just remembered,
something else to blab in
this blog about. xD
CHRISTMAS :D
I got all my Christmas shopping
done,I just need to wrap everything.
wootwoot(:


x o x o
Janie

Long time.No blog.What's new?

Today was the last day
of newspaper. D:
BOOOOOO.
I'll miss some of
the amazing friends I made in
that class.
*COUGH*ADRIENNE.
*COUGH*GILLIENE.
*COUGH*JESSICA.
*COUGH*TAYLOR.
*COUGH*SHELBIE.
Wow.if I WAS coughing like that,
just wow..xD
&& definitely the one and only Mrs.Roschke!*tear*
She's an amazings teacher!
x o x o
Janie
PS:BLOGGIN LATERRR!

I'm almost done.I'm through right now.

"Stupid girl.I should have known.I should have known.I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale."

I'm sick of all this pain in my life right now.It's all too much to hold onto at once.Right now,i'm worried about my FUTURE.I'm afraid that I won't graduate in 2012 like i'm supposed to.I try so hard in all my classes,but i''m starting to lose focus and get really tired.If I don't pass science this time,i'm screwed.I'd have to retake it a SECOND TIME and that's just not cool,and that'd upset me a lot.

My best friend is amazing,even if she doesn't see it.She's beautiful,funny,talented,and an incredible friend to have.What she doesn't know,is that she can hurt me sometimes,not intentionally either.Like she sends "tweets" to two of her other best friends EVERYDAY,but never me.Sometimes I just feel like I mean nothing to her,even though that's probably not true.I just want her to be happy,and when I hear she's crying,which is about everyday,it hurts me too.I want her to feel happy and not hurt.I appreciate every second she spends trying to send my messages back and forth to get to the guy I love...but I feel bad.I feel bad for her having to be my messenger because when she's upset I keep away from talking about any of my problems or pain because I don't want to make it worse.She never even asks me what my problems are anymore,I don't know if she always think it's the same thing i'm upset over always,because there always seems to be something in life bothering me and hurting me in some sort of form.I just don't want her to be hurt knowing i'm hurt.If that makes any sense.I don't waste my time telling her my problems anymore because I know she's upset enough of the time,why make her feel worse?Feeling down and letting someone know your feeling down and all your problems isn't exactly great.I hope she knows that i'm always here for her to talk or let her rant to anytime.Because I try my best to be a good friend,but maybe i'm just not good enough.

I think of the guy I love everyday and every single night.I just want to talk to him again or finally get a hug from him to feel at peace once again.When I met him face to face and he shook my hand,I felt a sense of safety and comfort.His grasp made me feel safe.I can't explain it,there's just something really special about him,and I know there is.I love him with absolutely everything in me,no doubt about it.Last night,I sat in my bed and theres just sometimes where you need to let things out and talk to yourself..which isn't awkward at all. : I started saying things (about the guy I love) like "you'll probably meet someone prettier and better than me.." "i hope you think of me as much as i think of you..." "i just love and miss you..." and like I was talking to him and he could hear me and that's not possible clearly.I started crying."please.please.just give me a chance,that's all I want is a chance to be with you."

I'm almost crying right now,and no one around me seems to care.Maybe it wouldn't even matter if I was gone.I guess some people would be devasted,but eventually,i'd be soon forgotten.I'm not going anywhere,for now.

x o x o
Janie

Sweet,Sweet Superstar.

You know i've had a lot of fears lately,but I would really like to be fearless.It's just a bit complicated because I love and miss him with everything in me.I live on a daily basis wondering if he even thinks of me as I much as I think of him,or if he's willing to wait for me.I don't even have actual contact with him yet,and it hurts.It's like a process for two of my best friends,for me to get a simple hello to him.I'd like to be able to talk to him on a more personal level.I have my intuitions that i'll have contact with him this month,I can ONLY hope.I don't see how that'll happen.I really hope he feels how I do for him.There's a spark there.

There is as my best friend Leah has told me...about soulmates.I feel like I have half of my heart,and he has the other half.I don't have the heartbreak pain anymore,ever since I first talked to him on Thanksgiving.I feel more happy and at peace when I get to talk to him.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/taylorswift/superstar.html <3

I'm not fearless.

So I guess that I haven't blogged for a while.Did you miss me?!xD What's new in the life of Janie?Well...A LOT (kinda xD). You know how I keep babbling in ALL of my blogs about the guy I love?He likes me back,so I should be happy...right?I am,but yet i'm not.I have several fears.

What if we don't last forever?Because that's what i've been able to picture,living with him and being together.What if I never get actual contact with him?I'd never be able to talk to him personally and on a regular basis.I want to be fearless,i'm just not so sure I can be.How much longer will it be before he meets someone prettier,smarter,and cooler than I am.I don't know if he'll wait for me,i'm waiting for him.I love and miss him.

"I wonder if I ever cross your mind,for me it happens all the time."
(Need You Now by Lady Antebellum)

x o x o
Janie