Who is that girl I see,Staring straight back at me.

Well,I could list many things,but this blog isn't so I can sit here and point out all my flaws and make myself start crying..because that'd be really,really dumb.

Lately,I feel like i'm lying to the world and to myself.I don't know who I am,and it doesn't even seem like my reflection is me anymore.I miss him so much that it hurts,more than anyone could ever imagine.It kills me sometimes,but I wouldn't trade it for anything.Ever since I walked away,and it all hit,that he wouldn't be back to visit me for a while,it hurt...so much.This isn't something I can snap out of,something I can bounce back like usual and dance around like life's perfect.Life isn't perfect,that's clearly obvious.So what did I do to try and heal my missing him,I wanted to find an escape.I turned to overeating apparently,it gave me some sort of escape.I like food,but I began eating to where I wasn't even hungry.I'm pretty sure I gained a couple pounds because of it.I spend most nights crying myself to sleep,i'm lacking in school and not wanting to do any of the work,i'm avoiding the world and trying to hide from it.I feel like he's the only one that can fix this pain,and that's most likely a fact.I got my heartbreak pain back.I used to get this actual pain in my heart,because I wanted to be with him.Now that I AM with him,shouldn't that be gone?Is there this special missing him pain I get to receive now?I really want to be happy,I want better grades,I want to be able to talk to him more often.I know he has a job,I get that.Is it so selfish that I just want him to be here with me to hold me and stop the tears from falling?I love him with all of my heart and soul,I wouldn't trade this all for ANYTHING.I just can't wait for the day when I get to see him again,or spend the rest of my life with him.

x o x o
Janie