Just trying to live your life,can be Unpredictable.

I'd like to thank my friends for attempting to cheer me up,and help me out to their best ability.This isn't something that is easy to snap out of,and isn't simply fixed.The only one that can help me,is my boyfriend.He's the only one who can pull me through this right now.I miss him so much,it hurts.It hasn't been this bad for a long time,and no one really understands it.I just wish he could be here,but I know he can't.It gets so hard sometimes,I feel like I want to give up.I wouldn't give it up for the world,I can't really explain it.I don't handle pain very well,and I have been suicidal more than once in my life.That just hasn't ever been like me,to think like that.I get that my friends just want to help me right now,but i'm not repairable right now.I'm so broken right now,not many things can mend it except for him.School has become so difficult for me,I can't really handle it.I try so hard to do my best,but it's just not good enough anymore.Today I got a paper with "Options" for NOT PASSING MATH.Dude,I haven't even gotten to the final yet.That just really upset me.To walk outside of the classroom because i'm one of the students who has under a "C".That's just embarrassing,and not to mention something to easily ruin my day.I feel like i'm wearing a mask everyday.I pretend that everything's okay,when it's really not.I just don't want questions to be asked,because questions require answers.It seems like the same things usually,school and missing my boyfriend.Then when other problems come into play,it makes it so much more worse.I CAN'T goto summer school because first of all there's no WAY that we can afford to,and second off I don't want to spend my whole damn summer back in math class.I've gotten offered help,but I honestly just wish I was born really smart and could get straight A's.Because that would be epic.But no,I was born stupid. :/

x o x o
Janie