I'm falling overboard,I'm drowning,lost without him.

Last weekend,I found out that my boyfriend made a horrible,horrible mistake.I didn't know how to react to it,or what to say.I usually know what to say,but in this case especially,I didn't.I love him with all my heart,and I know in time I will forgive him.He is the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world,and I don't want to lose him.I haven't talked to him since I found out about his mistake,and I miss him a lot.I know i'll be able to see him soon,but that doesn't stop me from missing him and wanting him to hold me in his arms.Have you ever cried so hard,that you can't breathe?That happened to me last night.I don't really know why I was hurting so bad,it seemed like anything & everything that hurt me kicked at me at once.Then my brother,Conner,actually walked in while I was crying,and I tried to pretend I was asleep.I was supposed to decorate for my dad's birthday,but I wasn't up for it and I WAS going to sleep.He threw a pillow at me and told me I was supposed to go decorate and crying I was all "Do it yourself." Then he said "What's the matter with you.Are you on drugs?"Seriously?What the hell kind of response is that to me crying my eyes out?Sometimes I wonder if he cares for anyone besides himself.I ended up crying for at least two hours.It didn't seem to end.Have you ever wondered for a moment if you want to live or not?I stood at that point.I hate when I think like that,and I know there are so many people that love me and that I have a lot to live for.I don't plan on leaving anytime soon,I plan to keep fighting on this battlefield.

x o x o
Janie